To The Test

Now it's time to apply the truth that you know.

Hey you,

I’m sorry I didn’t send any letters for weeks. I honestly always thought about you, and I hope you had a great August.

August was a very trying month for me. August told me, “Now that 30 Days of Rest is over, I’m going to put you to the test.” Close to the middle of the month, I received very shocking and painful news that turned my world upside down. This ordeal was not what I would typically call a ‘trial’, because I often think of trials as difficult and painful circumstances that happen to you beyond your control or expectation. Mine was the unexpected consequence of a disobedient act I had done earlier. I had acknowledged my wrong before God and received His forgiveness, yet I suffered a particular consequence (I know you’re curious at this point, I’ll tell you about it later.) But this ordeal still placed two options before me - do I choose to believe that God is good, merciful, faithful? That He loves me and will make this work out for good in due time? Or do I choose to believe that God is wicked, unforgiving, untrustworthy, and try to handle things on my own?

And really, that’s what all trials come down to, whatever shape or form they may take. When Satan afflicts a believer, with a disease or an accident, for instance, that difficult circumstance is not his endgame; his aim is to attack your faith in order to make you lose faith in God. God, on the other hand, uses trials to strengthen and reinforce our faith, and to perfect us. Another example I’m sure you can relate to is when you’ve been praying for something for a long time and you’re not getting answers or seeing results. It all comes down to the question, “Am I going to believe in God’s love, goodness, mercy, faithfulness, wisdom, sovereignty…or am I going to stop believing?”

I’ll be honest with you, I almost failed the test. I almost forgot all that I learned and wrote about in 30 Days of Rest about who God is and what He has done for me in Christ Jesus. I told God He was being unfair. I told my sister I felt like God was punishing me, and the moment I typed that, I knew I was wrong. I remembered I had written in Rest in His Mercy that when we do sin, we should not be afraid of punishment because the blood of Jesus atones for our sins. And my sister, in her wisdom, replied with, “You just did 30 Days of Rest so you should know that’s not it.” Yes, deep down in my spirit, I knew the truth. But my soul kept whispering dark thoughts about God and I had to wage war and speak to my soul (Remember this letter?) I returned to read Rest in His Love on one of such days, and the purpose for my ordeal stared back at me from my screen. It was this portion:

This same principle applies to God’s discipline. It is not to inflict pain on us (even when it appears so) but for our spiritual good, to conform us to the image of the Son. The discipline of God is done in love, and for our good.

My experience is particularly interesting, because some days prior to the breaking of the news, I had entered someone’s DM, upon seeing a tweet about her struggling and being burdened, to encourage her and tell her her faith was being tested, and she should affirm what she believes about God, wait upon Him and stay strong. Well, here I was, my faith being tested too.

The very nature of faith demands that it should be tested. It’s very easy to preach about the goodness and mercy of God and all His other perfections, to write Twitter threads, and offer advice to fellow believers who are struggling with their faith. At the moment, you’re sincerely convinced that you know and believe these truths. Until unexpected circumstances assail you. That’s when your belief will be tested, to prove that your convictions are true. It’s like a school setting: your teacher taught you a topic, and he explained it so simply, you felt like you really grasped it. But the only way you can be doubly sure you understood that topic is to solve some practice questions, or when he sets a test.

God reveals Himself and His truth to us, because the first step is to know. Revelation knowledge is the foundation of our fellowship with God. But He doesn’t just want us to know mentally, He wants us to live the truth He has revealed, He wants us to apply the truth that we know. And the only way we can get to that point is through practical circumstances, whether it is adversity inflicted by Satan, discipline exacted by God, or even the consequences of your own actions and inactions. Using the metaphor I used earlier, the more you pass a test by applying principles to problem questions, the more knowledgeable you are about that topic, such that you gradually become an expert. Similarly, this is how the Lord helps us bridge the gap between what we profess and what we practise, such that our knowledge becomes not merely mental, but spiritual and experiential. Such that our actions match our confessions in a way that pleases Him. Such that we come to a place of perfect, unbending trust in Him.

Oswald Chambers says,

Faith must be tested, because it can be turned into a personal possession only through conflict. What is your faith up against just now? The test will either prove that your faith is right, or it will kill it.

When your faith is tested, and you keep faith in God, affirming the truth you know about Him, your faith becomes reinforced and stronger. It becomes a personal possession that you cannot lose anymore. For example, my faith in God as all-sufficient is so solid because I have been tested frequently on that point. Several times, I have been in a state of lack and when I affirm God’s Word that says He will supply all my needs and He cares for me, He always comes through. But on the issue of His mercy, my faith was not so solid, and this test opened my eyes to the fact that I still see God as a Punisher. However, this test also made me reaffirm the truth about His mercy to myself, and I believe it has now become a “personal possession” such that if/when similar trials arise later in the future, I will remember this incident and hold on to the truth that I know. This is what James meant when he wrote:

for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

Many Christians are not prepared for the testing of their faith, and that’s why they lose faith. Even though they are familiar with the verses that say believers will endure suffering and that in this world, we will have trials and tribulations, it all seems so afar-off, so unlikely. Deep in their subconscious, they still think being Christians means everything will go perfectly well. And even those that know they will face trials and adversity don’t really understand its spiritual implication and purpose, and they end up wallowing in sorrow and despondency, rather than fighting the good fight of faith. Your pain and suffering is not pointless. Even though the Enemy seeks to use it to destroy your faith, God seeks to use it to bolster your faith until you become a mature Christian.

I hope my experience encourages you to be more alert to difficulties of any kind, minor or major, foreseen or unforeseen, and to see these trials as a means to an end: the reinforcing of your faith in God, your progressive conforming to the image of Jesus Christ. Be sensitive to your peculiar experiences through the leading of the Holy Spirit such that you know when Satan is trying to attack your faith, and more importantly, do not be afraid, just reaffirm and hold on to the truth about God that you have believed. In all these things, we’re more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

I love you.

Have a splendid week!